A Halloween Journey

The time finally arrived.  It could not be put off any further.  If this thing was to happen on time, the time had come.  To get started, that is.

I refer, of course, to the beginning of making Cub's Halloween costume.  He had decided several (if not 12) months ago that he wanted to be R2D2 for Halloween this year.  I scoured the internet looking for a costume I could buy, to no avail.  The only costumes labeled R2D2 were for toddlers and were only a sack with blue lines painted on it.  That would not do for my pre-schooler who knows a thing or three about his favorite robot.

To make a long story short, I found a website with somewhat specific instructions on how to MAKE an R2D2 costume.  Was I really going to have to go that route?  Might I be able to talk him into something different, easier, purchasable?  No, he would not be deterred.  Shoot.

I realized that this being creative with my hands thing, not food-related, does not come easily to me so I had better get a move on.  About 2 months ago he and I went to several stores in our city looking for a specific type of trash can, one with a domed lid.  Once it was acquired we went to our local home & garden store and purchased the appropriate color spray paint and took it all home and promptly painted the entire thing white.  Feeling quite proud of myself for accomplishing two large tasks so early on, we went inside and allowed them to dry.

It was when they were dry that I remembered that the dome that is R2's head is silver, not white.  Shoot.  Ok, paint over it, right?  Wrong.  When I did that the paint crackled and wrinkled and didn't look right.  Ok.  So we went and bought another trash can and also realized we needed to do all the cutting of holes and whatnot in it before we painted it.  Huge props to Camera Guy's construction dept. on his TV show for doing all the cutting for us!  I wouldn't have been able to accomplish any of that on my own.  They rock!

Then came the sealing on the flippy part of the trash can lid so it would look like a solid dome and not a trash can lid.  Camera Guy handled that task with some latex putty.  Now that the whole thing had been prepped, the rest was up to me to make it look like the famous robot.

Following a pattern Camera Guy was given (again, by members of the construction crew, you rock!) I cut out contruction paper and double sticked tape it all over the place, including the domed head.

About the time the project came to the point that it landed in my court, I realized that while Halloween and trick-or-treating happen on Oct. 31, Cub's school Halloween party was Sat., Oct. 27.  And even earlier than that was my church's Mommy Group Halloween party on Thurs., Oct. 25.  Holy robots, Batman!  I'd better get the lead out!

Anywho, I all got done, a full 1.5 days early, too!  I just wish he'd been allowed to wear it to the school party, though, but their rule about no masks, faces must be visible rule excluded this particular costume.

Here is the final result.  I'm a little proud, actually.  

Thankfully he has chosen his next 2 costumes, Spiderman and an astronaut, and I'm fairly certain I'll be able to buy those off the rack!

Happy Halloween, everyone! Stay safe!

An Empathetic Journey

A few weeks ago we started a new tradition at Casa de Cub.  Many of you probably have a similar one.  Friday Night Pizza & Movie.  We pick up pizza from a local place and watch a movie at home.  The impetus was to introduce Cub to new movies in the safe, comfortable, non-threatening surrounding of his own home, with Mommy & Daddy flanking him for support, and to be able to fast-forward through any scary parts.

He's been reluctant.  He's even screamed and stomped about it.  I was expecting Star Wars to be his request for a couple of weeks now, but no.  Not yet.  So far we've stuck with Disney movies Camera Guy and I suggest.  

Although he's seen Dumbo before, it was a long time ago and I figured he wouldn't have remembered much of it.  When I suggested it yesterday I got agreement from him.  Score!  So he and I settled down with our pizza (Camera Guy had a meeting) and watched.  Now, as I am wont to do when watching TV or a movie at home with him, I talked to him about what we were seeing, what was happening and how the characters might be feeling about what's happening.  I'm sure it would totally annoy most adults and some kids, but for he and I, it works.  I promise to cut it out at some point in his life.  Like when he's 16.  Maybe.

It gets to the point in the movie that a beautiful bundle of joy arrives for Mrs. Jumbo and she is overwhelmed with love for her baby.  He has beautiful blue eyes, (as they all do) and a cute as a button nose, um, er, trunk, and he looks equally thrilled to be there with her.  And then the hateful, jealous, spiteful old biddie pachyderms start laughing, taunting and teasing the 2 of them because his ears are huge.  Poor thing, I say to Cub.  How do you think that makes him feel?  Bad, he replies.  We see Mrs. Jumbo and her baby stare in disbelief as the mean remarks continue to being hurled their way.  They wisely decide to keep to themselves.  Why are they being mean to him, Cub asks.  Because he's different than they are, I explain, and they don't care that he is an elephant just like them, and has feelings, too.

As the movie progresses, we learn that the elephants are to perform a tower, one on top of the other, with Jumbo Jr. (disaffectionately called Dumbo by the old biddies) set to climb to the very top with a small flag clutched in his trunk.  The obvious happens and he trips on his ears and collapses the whole pile and is ostracized and sent to go work with the clowns as punishment.

Jumbo Jr. is feeling horrible about the accident and goes to visit his mother, who has been locked up (if you don't know why, go see the movie, I'm not doing a review of it here, sorry) and reaches his trunk into her locked rail car to find her.  She can barely move with the chains around her feet but manages to reach her trunk out and touch and caress him.  I glance down at Cub sitting next to me and thought I saw the beginnings of his mouth turning down on the ends, as if in a frown.  Did I see what I thought I saw?  I keep glancing back every few seconds and when Mrs. Jumbo picks up her baby and starts swinging him and rocking him with her trunk, I again look at Cub and he's tearing up.  My sweet boy is starting to cry.  He understands the emotion, the overwhelming sadness at these 2 being separated and how much they want and need to be together.  Now he's wiping at the tears in his eyes and asks, a cry in his throat, why she's there and can't be with him.  I explain what we saw earlier and how she ended up in the rail car with signs on it that read "Mad Elephant" and "Keep Away!"  He openly weeps, albeit for a short moment, but weeps at the thought of them being kept apart.  I snuggle him closer to me and told him that even though they can't be together right now, she loves him very much and did what she did to protect him becuase she loves him so much.

As I have witnessed with my own mother, when I start to cry, she does, too, and now as my son starts to cry at the sight of mother and son being separated, I do, too.  He reminded me of his dad and the way he mists up at a certain point with each Disney movie (they really do get the best music/lyric writers to pull at your heart strings, don't they?), but especially during Toy Story 2 when Jessie sings "When She Loved Me", the song about her girl, Emily, he turns to mush.  I love that about him.

I hadn't stopped to think about the actual story of the movie we were going to watch, Cub and I alone.  The mother/son dynamic and the fact that we'd be sans Daddy tonight, but it was actually perfect.  It was truly a magical experience for me.  And when it was time for Cub to go to sleep, the irony was not lost on me of my reaching my arm over his bed rail to rub his back, to touch and caress him in a way only I, his mother, can, just the way Mrs. Jumbo did for her baby to reassure him and show her love for him.

My journey tonight was one of watching my Cub express the empathetic side of himself and the pride it brought me to know he understands and feels the emotion of the moment.  I'm a proud Momma.

A Daughter's Journey

My mom and I are very close.  It wasn't always that way, however.  We had our moments, especially during my teenage years.  Thankfully I matured and she mellowed.  (Hi, Mom!)  An ex-boyfriend once told me, after he moved back to the East Coast, that he knew I wouldn't have moved with him if he'd asked because it would've meant moving away from my mom.  He was right.  Fortunately for me, I live about 2 miles from her now and see her a great deal.

Reflecting on my growing up years with the benefit of time and some faded memories blurring what might have been some of the worst of times, I can truly say I was a very fortunate kid.  I had my parents together for all but one of the years I lived at home.  They divorced when I was in my mid-20's, but growing up I always knew the love they had for me was abundant and unconditional and still is.

Being a second child I didn't feel the stress and pressures a first child typically has.  My parents seemed to have let me run free and explore who I was.  Perhaps they did that with my sister, but the 6 years age difference was enough that we really didn't spend a whole lot of time together while we were growing up.  I was the pesky little sister.  Except there was the time she took me along with her and her friends (because I had bugged her so much about it) doorbell ditching and she forgot (unintentionally, yeah right) to tell me I was supposed to run after I rang the bell. Yeah.  That was fun.  Not.  But it's fun to look back on it now and laugh til our sides hurt.

My mom was a working mom.  She was never the stay-at-home-and-bake-cookies-after-school type of mom.  And that was ok.  I grew up seeing a strong woman could have a career and a family, too.  I saw her pull up her boot straps and do what had to be done to provide for us girls when my folks separated when I was 11.  I liked being a latch-key kid because it meant I got to watch TV and ignore my homework after I came home from school.  I'm sure she didn't like that, though.  Mom working and providing a stable home and life for us while her marriage was on hold is inspiring to me now.  Now.  I don't think I thought much of it back then, I'm sad to say.  I was 11.  What can I say except now I have a glimpse of how incredibly hard it must've been for her only because I have a family and a home now, too, and my progression of age has offered me some perspective.  I can't imagine doing this alone.  I.Can.Not.Imagine.

As a mother myself now I can appreciate so much more of what my mom did for me in my growing up years.  Helping support the household financially, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, keeping us kids clean and happy and managing to somehow hold a marriage together.  It really showed me a lot about who she is and what she's made of.  After the divorce and dusting herself off once again and moving on with her life and not letting the world or being single again beat her down shows me again how strong she is and what she's still made of.  I'm in awe of her daily and the extrmemely busy life she's carved out for herself and continues to lead.

I can only hope I do half as awesome job for Cub.

I love you, Mom.  Happy Mother's Day!

A Fantasy Journey

This was *not* a journey of fantasy, one in my mind only, one we hope to take some day.  It was something we actually did and will never forget.

I've been reflecting this past week on the 12 days prior.  Our family spent 12 glorious days on an epic Disney extravaganza.  I won't bore you with *all* the details, but instead the highlights:

We left home at o'dark hundred on Wed. the 28th for the airport.  Our flight to Orlando was uneventful and Cub was entertained the whole time either by the in-flight TVor our iPad.  Retrieving our luggage and obtaining the rental car went smoothly.  Our ritualistic dinner at a favorite BBQ joint was fantastic!  Shopping for a few items went quickly and were on our way to our "Disney Home" for 3 nights.

Being members of Disney Vacation Club (DVC - Disney's timeshare) we got to choose which resort to stay at for the 3 nghts we'd be there.  We chose Animal Kingdom Lodge.  We thoroughly enjoy waking up in the morning and going to our balcony to see which animals are outside our window at that moment.  We've taken what has already become a treasured family picture of Cub looking through the view finder of Camera Guy's camera with an enormous lens while it was pointed at the savannah a year and a half ago.  We wanted that same experience, if not another picture.

After traipsing through a couple of different parks and riding the requisite attractions (they're not rides, don'tcha know, that's for "other" theme parks.  At Disney parks they're called "attractions") we retired to our Disney Home on the final night of that leg of our journey.  The next day was the day we had waited 15 months for!  It was finally here!  It would be a miracle if I would sleep at all!

We were to be passengers on the Maiden Voyage of the Disney Cruise Line's newest ship, the Fantasy!   We booked this trip 15 months ago.  We were terribly excited and couldn't believe the day was finally here to get on board!  As we arrived at the port and got our first close-up view of the magnificent ship, we were in awe.  She is a much, much larger ship than the first two "classic" ships of the Disney Cruise Line.  She was beautiful, shiny and awaiting us!  The line to check-in went quickly and soon we were told we could immediately board.  What?  No wait in the terminal for our number to be called as we've experienced every other time we've sailed?  Yay!  YAY!

As we boarded and were announced to the Grand Lobby we were whisked aside by a waiting officer and told that our cabin was ready for immediate occupation.  What?  Say, what?  Really?  No waiting til 1:30 p.m. (it was now 11:30 a.m.) as we've experienced every other time we've sailed?  Yay!  YAY!  This cruise was getting better and better.

We were unable to obtain brunch reservations at the adults-only restaurant Palo, but did secure a dinner reservation for the last night of the cruise.  Score!  We attended the Sail Away Party and equipped Cub with his noise cancelling headphones and had a blast!  We returned to our stateroom and waved our Mickey mitts signs at the folks on shore as we sailed away and saw thousands on people lining our route through the channel to open water.  It was thrilling to see sooo many people turn out to wave good-bye to us.  To us!  Well, ok, to the ship mostly, but we waved back enthusiastically from our balcony.

Cub was the first paying guest to go in the Nemo's Reef area, a splash zone for kids 5 and under.  He splashed and slid and giggled and then tackled the pool shaped like Mickey's head known as Mickey's Pool.  We have so many pictures of his time here with huge smiles on his face.  It was hard to drag him away to get ready for the muster drill.

Off we went to explore the kid's club, called the Oceaneer's Club, and see what lay ahead for Cub.  Our fingers were crossed there would be enough to keep him entertained for longer periods of time than the Club on the classic ships so we could have some Mommy/Daddy time alone to explore the ship and participate in the adult entertainment the ship's crusie staff had in store for us.  No worries.  He LOVED the place and was there for several hours at a time whenever we put him there and one day even spent 12 hours there!

We got the Mommy/Daddy time we'd hoped for.  We played backgammon.  We went to the Art of Entertaining series and watched the chef make Lobster Ravioli and then we got to taste it (I got to eat Camera Guy's portion since he doesn't like seafood) and have a few sips of wine that had been paired with it.  We played an '80's music trivia game in the ship's pub one day and didn't do too badly thanks entirely to Camera Guy.  I know how songs go but have never professed to know their titles or the artist who sings them.  We should've had Cub's godmother along for that game.  She'd have cleaned up.  We played Bingo the last day when the jackpot was the largest.  We didn't win.  We sat in the adults-only areas and sipped adult beverages.

Walking alone, holding hands, not having to run interference on a 4 year old was nice for a change.  It was just the 2 of us.  Relaxing.  No cell phones, no computers, no nothing but us.  We needed this.

We ate in the restuarants each night and had as tablemates a very nice family from D.C. with 3 children ages 7, 5 and 3.  As much as the parents tried to reign the children in, it was close to a train wreck each night and frustrated us to the point of unenjoyment, unfortunately, and asking for a table to ourselves the night Cub stayed in the Oceaneer's Club for 12 hours.

We went ashore 3 of our 4 port days, and had shore excursions 2 of the days.  We did a Dolphin Encounter which allowed us to get in the pool with a dolphin and pet it and kiss it and have it "kiss" us.  We held a ball in the air for it to rise up out of the water to touch and then we had the opportunity to purchase pictures of our encounter.  Since Camera Guy and I have had a similar experience previously, we didn't want to have pictures of us but we did manage to find one fabulous picture of Cub receiving a "kiss" from the dolphin and he has an unguarded, truly gleeful smile on his face.  It was worth every penny of the experience.

We played in the sand and water at Disney's private island, Castaway Cay.  We ate lunch and Cub explored the Oceaneer's Club extended kid's area on the island called Scuttle's Cove.  He didn't stay too long.  Oh well.  We had great fun after lunch with an inner tube and Cub sitting on top of it as I spun it around and around or let it be carried ashore by the current.

Cub slept incredibly well on the trip and I even had to wake him up a couple of mornings so we could get a move on.  As usual I felt as if we were on the ship when I closed my eyes for 2 nights after we got off the ship, the rolling sensation so ingrained in my body and mind.

The days were warm and humid, as one would expect it to be in the Caribbean.  I don't usually do well in humidity, but it was early enough in the year that I didn't melt too much.  The time went slowly and we savored each moment.  We booked another cruise for this same ship to depart a year from now while we were on this one.  We enjoyed it that much.  And the incentive was that good.  We also added more points to our DVC account, ensuring we may end up having two trips a year to Orlando.  We're Disney freaks that way.  It's ok.  We know it and embrace that side of who we are.

After we were unceremoniously kicked off the ship (not really, but we hated to leave) we drove back to Disney World and conquered one of the parks we had done a week prior.  We checked into our Disney Home and met friends from home at the BBQ joint for dinner.  They had just landed at the airport and were beginning their week-long vacation.  We shared a bottle of wine with them that we had purchased on the ship that Camera Guy was wary of putting in our luggage for the trip home.

We met them at the Magic Kingdom the next day and spent a couple of hours with them before it was time to say good-bye and go to the airport and fly home.  We hugged them and wished them a grand time.

The trip home was uneventful.  Except for the last half hour.  Cub had been asleep almost 2 hours at the point the plane bagan it's initial descent.  As that happened I looked over at Cub and noticed blood running out of his nose.  As I wiped it up he woke up.  Sort of.  Not entirely.  He became combative and wouldn't let me take measures to stem the flow.  I let Camera Guy take over since he experienced frequent nose bleeds as a kid and still gets them occassionally.  I plyed him with tissues and provided a trash bag.  He got the blood stopped and skillfully distracted Cub's attention to other matters.

We got home and went to bed.  Exhausted but thrilled for all we had the great fortune to experience the previous 12 days.  It truly was a Fantasy trip.  One we had hoped for, planned for and anticpated with great eagerness.  Other than the last half hour of the plane ride, I wouldn't change a thing.  The time spent with my family was precious and irreplaceable.  The smiles and giggles that eminated from all three of us throghout the trip were memorable.  The pictures we took as lasting memories already bring back smiles and stories.  We had the most grand time and rode a wave of happiness the whole time.  I wish a similar expereince for each of you with those you love.  It truly was a Fantasy Journey.

A Pirate Journey

Pirates take many forms and many different types of journeys.  The one my family and I embarked on this past weekend with our church's Children, Youth and Families group was different than perhaps immediately comes to mind when one thinks of pirates.

Now, be assured that there were bonafide pirates there.  Capt. Jack Sparrow was there.  He had a discussion with Moses.  Alas, we were not there for that discusion Fri. evening.  But, we did see Blackbeard (or Black Stubble, as he referred to himself, as he had recently shaved) have a discussion with Jesus about baptism and joining Blackbeard's crew.  Finally, we saw one of our female ministers have a discussion with Grace O'Malley, the queen of the Irish Pirates.  That discussion centered around God, Christianity and Lent.

I had gone into this weekend with high hopes.  Hopes for myself, hopes for the food crew I had been asked to be a major part of and hopes for my family.  I had done the shopping for all the food for the weekend, for approximately 100 people.  I've never been involved off in an event where I was on the crew in charge of food for that amount of people.  I was a little scared, to say the least.  But, the journey showed me that there was an excellent skeleton of information on how to get started.  People who had done this in the past shared with me their wisdom and knowledge, not to mention spreadsheets and timetables.  That part of the journey definitely had structure and support to it.

I was excited this year when registration time came and I realized Cub wasn't napping anymore and that we had the weekend available!  I was flattered (and scared) when I was asked to play a leadership role in the food coordination aspect of the weekend.  After declining the leadership role in favor of being part of a team, I accepted those terms.  After arriving on site and seeing what the arrangements were to be and organizing the food and cooking items into the kitchen, I settled into what would turn out to be the role of the person who was in the kitchen consistently (or at least more than others) at each meal.  I enjoyed it.  I signed up to really be "in charge" next year.  (Yikes!)

The part of the journey involving my family had less structure and support to it.  Camera Guy came along very happily and participated more than I could've possibly expected or anticipated he would.  I was thrilled!  And, it turns out with my additional food role, I really depended on him to be with Cub a lot while I did kitchen duties.  However, on the flip side, Cub was much less enthusiastic and participatory than I hoped he'd be.  I hoped with the theme of pirates and being surrounded by friends he knew from church that it would be great fun for him.  Other than playing on a playground new to him, I think he could've done without any of it (with the exception of the talent show), and that makes me sad.  Playgrounds and play equipment are second only to robots and Legos.

We didn't participate last year because I thought he was too young to grasp any of it and being that we'd have to leave part way through on Saturday for his nap seemed to me to not be worth it.  I should probably cut him a break.  He's only 4 years old.  And he *did* participate in the weekend's talent show, albeit at the last minute, of his own choosing.  So there's that.  I guess this was a transition year for him.

So maybe next year he'll want to do more of the activities with the rest of the group.  Maybe next year he'll sit still a little longer during the church service.  (Which, by the way, keeping with this year's pirate theme, we had a eucharist service fully translated into pirate!  How cool is that?)

I find myself wanting him to be a little further along in his development (i.e.; sitting still, be having, participating) than is appropriate for his age and at the same time I find mysle yearning for the days of babyhood when he would cooperate because he wasn't yet mobile, not yet talking, not yet able to protest his displeasure.

My journey is one of wanting to hold onto what is long gone and wanting now what is probably yet far ahead of us.  This one's rough and I'm not enjoying it.  Arrrgggghhh!

A Warm and Fuzzy Journey

Cub and I spent a good part of the afternoon at a local park with a water feature.  He got wet and sandy and had a grand time playing with new found friends.  I had taken a book with me, to get in a little "me" time, but I found my gaze drawn more often to him and watching him navigate his way.  I smiled a lot this afternoon.

When we got home Cub took a bath while Camera Guy put the finshing touches on dinner.  I had asked him to be responsible for making dinner since I knew we'd get back from the park too late to start anything then.  And he did it.

We had a lovely dinner and Cub complimented his Daddy on the food.  I smiled and my heart warmed through as I gazed at Camera Guy and we shared a moment of love.

I'm an extremely lucky woman tonight as I feel warm and fuzzy about my small family.

A Gym Journey

This week has been amazing for me with my exercising.  My personal trainer canceled our appointments this for personal reasons and so I decided to really go at my cardio training on my own.  And I have stuck to it!  2 of 3 days so far I've done the treadmill for an hour PLUS the elliptical for 10 minutes each day.  The other day I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I am really, super duper proud of myself!  Last week I joined Weight Watchers Online and have been reminded that the more you exercise, the more points you earn that you can use for food, so I've been motivated!

The actual eating part of WW hasn't gone so well, however.  Camera Guy and I went away last weekend to San Francisco and I ate and imbibed way over my point allotment for the week.  And I'm really close to depleting this week's points and it's only Wednesday night.  *sigh*  And I learned a hard lesson today at the cost of my points and a little dignity; know how many points what you're going to eat costs before you eat it.  I'm really going to try to do just that moving forward.  That's going to take some discipline and not allow much room for spontaneous restaurant-going, unfortunately.

Cub also had a new gym experience of his own.  After a talk with his teachers at school and having them express to me their thoughts that he needs more outlets for full body exercise (he enjoys crashing his trikes into other kid's trikes at school repeatedly, despite their interventions) I took their suggestion and we went to a local gymnastics class this week.

The classes are mid-session and we got a free class to try out and see what we think, if he likes it and if it'll be a good fit for him.  After some initial nervousness he joined the group of 3-4 year old boys and followed the Coach like a little duckling.  He learned about walking single-file, like we all see the gymnasts do in the Olympics as they move from one apparatus to the next.  He learned to "take a knee" while he's waiting his turn and while it didn't sink it comepletely, I think he understood that it's important to listen to the Coach.  Always.  (Side note: I was tickled to see him "take a knee" so young in life, hoping he does it again some day far, far in the future with a special person in his life.)

I actually teared up at one point, watching my little son, my baby, my Cub, participating in his first organized sport activity.  I had to choke back tears while I smiled and stiffled a giggle.  One of the other moms asked me if it was his first class.  Yup.  That obvious, huh?

He behaved the way I would have expected him to, (being goofy, not paying attention sometimes, swatting at the other boys ocassionally) and also a bit more maturly than I would've thought he was capable of (walking on his hands and feet across the parallel bars after being shown how to do it.  I would've expected him to tell the Coach he didn't know how so he wasn't going to do it.)  He surprised and delighted me.  I was so proud I literally felt my heart swell with pride.

What's unfortunate is this particular Coach felt like he was teaching 2 classes, one to the kids who had been with him since before Thanskgiving, and one to Cub.  He didn't feel it was fair to the other kids and recommended Cub start with a different Coach at the beginning of the next session.  After getting a session under his belt, with Cub learning the routines and what's expected of him (not goofing around) he said he'd welcome him back in his class.  While I totally get where he's coming from, I'm a little bummed because this class is specifically Boys Only and is coached by a man.  I think that may be part of why Cub responded so well.  

Cub had a great time, really enjoyed himself and has told me several times since then about things he did during class and things Coach said.  I was hoping to get into that class in the next session, but it sounds like the Coach really thinks we should go into the class taught by one of the gym's co-founders, who taught him, so I guess we'll do that.

My journey today and this week is one of exercise, focus and fun.

New Year's and birth day Journeys

We live very close to the parade route.  That's THE parade route.  The granddaddy of them all.  We had lots of friends over to bask in the heat of the day (and btw, what's up with 80 degrees on Jan. 2?  Don't get me wrong, I love it, but not so much at 10 a.m. when I'm sitting outside, facing east and have a small child on my lap trying to watch a parade that is mere feet away.  Also, btw, we didn't last out there more than 30 mins. in the heat).  But Cub was thrilled so many of his friends were around to play with that day, a couple of which joined him inside away from the heat after a while, too.  I was humbled by the warmth and love we felt by our friends braving the traffic and crowds to come join with us to celebrate the new year watch THE parade and partake of Camera Guy's amazing baby back ribs.  I'm thrilled he did those.  It's been a looonnng time since he's done anything on his Big Green Egg.  He hasn't lost his touch.  I’m also thrilled to have our neighborhood back to normal and not have to deal with the traffic and crowds for another 11.5 months.

The new year has also brought a return to school for Cub (thank goodness!) and the prospect of his impending birthday, which is today.  Everything in his world is about robots these days, so of course the theme for today's party is robots.  He assembles a simple stack of Duplo Legos and tells me it's a robot.  If he adds 2 Legos sticking out from the side he tells me they're wings and the robot can fly.  I LOVE the creativity in his brain these days.  I can spend hours just watching him play and imagine the cogs turning furiously in his head as he comes up with new and exciting ideas of what his robots can do.

But about today.  And 4 years ago today.   And the journey since that day.  The day he was born was exciting, scary and filled with joy and tears.  15 months prior I had a miscarriage.  Technically, I was far enough along to actual call it a still birth, but I don't like the sound of that term, so I say miscarriage.  My pregnancy with Cub was not the joy-filled time of my life one would want their pregnancy to be.  With a previous miscarriage in my past, I was tenuous, careful and scared throughout my pregnancy with Cub.  Arriving at the hospital that winter morning (gosh it was early, why do you always have to be there so gosh darn early?) I finally felt joy at the prospect of a child coming into our lives.

We didn't know his gender prior to his birth.  I wanted to be surprised.  Camera Guy wanted to know, but I told him possession is 9/10ths of the law, so we didn't find out.  It didn't matter what gender the baby would be, and I wanted to the focus away from that aspect of the pregnancy.

As I sit here today, reflecting on that day, there was so much joy in that hospital room.  Joy of anticipation, joy of a new family member, joy of all of us being together for a blessed event, joy of finally meeting this new person who would change all of our lives forever.  When the time came to take me to surgery (I had a C section) my surgeon warned her staff that Camera Guy’s camera was not a regular ole’ point and shoot like most of them were used to husband’s bringing into the delivery room.  He had quite the lens on that sucker.  Less than 45 mins. later we had a wiggly, cheesy-covered Cub in our lives.  He had always been our Cub, that was our nickname for him in utero, since we didn’t know his gender, but now he was here, in our midst, crying and squirming.

It’s been a whirlwind of first-time experiences for all of us ever since.  Most of them have been wonderful, fun-filled, life affirming and joyous experiences.  Some not so much, but those don’t get remembered.

Today he turns 4.  I can’t believe it’s been 4 years already.  And yet, hasn’t it been 14?  Sometimes it feels like it.  The days are long and the years are short.

I love you desperately, Cub. You are my inspiration and my reason for waking up in the morning. I hope you keep asking your questions of curiosity and wonderment, they will lead you far and teach you much. You are so active I can barely keep up. I hope you always stay busy and moving, much like you have been from the day you were born. I can't wait to see what the next year brings for us all and the growth and learning that awaits you.

I am eagerly anticipating your party this afternoon.  I hope it will be all that you want it to be and more, filled with everything robot.  We have so many of your friends and family coming to celebrate YOU!  You have brought joy and love to all of us.

The journey of remembering the last 4 years and the day of your birth is fresh on my mind and I am looking forward to watching you take more steps towards growing up, getting smarter, taller, faster, stronger and finding you’re able to more and more things with your mind and body.  Tomorrow will be a whole journey for you as you get to go on a ride at Disneyland you’ve been so eager to go on for so long.  Mommy and Daddy decided that at 4 you could do it.  I hope you enjoy it and aren’t scared.

But today’s journey is about celebrating you and all you are in this world.  Happy Birthday Cub!