New Year's and birth day Journeys

We live very close to the parade route.  That's THE parade route.  The granddaddy of them all.  We had lots of friends over to bask in the heat of the day (and btw, what's up with 80 degrees on Jan. 2?  Don't get me wrong, I love it, but not so much at 10 a.m. when I'm sitting outside, facing east and have a small child on my lap trying to watch a parade that is mere feet away.  Also, btw, we didn't last out there more than 30 mins. in the heat).  But Cub was thrilled so many of his friends were around to play with that day, a couple of which joined him inside away from the heat after a while, too.  I was humbled by the warmth and love we felt by our friends braving the traffic and crowds to come join with us to celebrate the new year watch THE parade and partake of Camera Guy's amazing baby back ribs.  I'm thrilled he did those.  It's been a looonnng time since he's done anything on his Big Green Egg.  He hasn't lost his touch.  I’m also thrilled to have our neighborhood back to normal and not have to deal with the traffic and crowds for another 11.5 months.

The new year has also brought a return to school for Cub (thank goodness!) and the prospect of his impending birthday, which is today.  Everything in his world is about robots these days, so of course the theme for today's party is robots.  He assembles a simple stack of Duplo Legos and tells me it's a robot.  If he adds 2 Legos sticking out from the side he tells me they're wings and the robot can fly.  I LOVE the creativity in his brain these days.  I can spend hours just watching him play and imagine the cogs turning furiously in his head as he comes up with new and exciting ideas of what his robots can do.

But about today.  And 4 years ago today.   And the journey since that day.  The day he was born was exciting, scary and filled with joy and tears.  15 months prior I had a miscarriage.  Technically, I was far enough along to actual call it a still birth, but I don't like the sound of that term, so I say miscarriage.  My pregnancy with Cub was not the joy-filled time of my life one would want their pregnancy to be.  With a previous miscarriage in my past, I was tenuous, careful and scared throughout my pregnancy with Cub.  Arriving at the hospital that winter morning (gosh it was early, why do you always have to be there so gosh darn early?) I finally felt joy at the prospect of a child coming into our lives.

We didn't know his gender prior to his birth.  I wanted to be surprised.  Camera Guy wanted to know, but I told him possession is 9/10ths of the law, so we didn't find out.  It didn't matter what gender the baby would be, and I wanted to the focus away from that aspect of the pregnancy.

As I sit here today, reflecting on that day, there was so much joy in that hospital room.  Joy of anticipation, joy of a new family member, joy of all of us being together for a blessed event, joy of finally meeting this new person who would change all of our lives forever.  When the time came to take me to surgery (I had a C section) my surgeon warned her staff that Camera Guy’s camera was not a regular ole’ point and shoot like most of them were used to husband’s bringing into the delivery room.  He had quite the lens on that sucker.  Less than 45 mins. later we had a wiggly, cheesy-covered Cub in our lives.  He had always been our Cub, that was our nickname for him in utero, since we didn’t know his gender, but now he was here, in our midst, crying and squirming.

It’s been a whirlwind of first-time experiences for all of us ever since.  Most of them have been wonderful, fun-filled, life affirming and joyous experiences.  Some not so much, but those don’t get remembered.

Today he turns 4.  I can’t believe it’s been 4 years already.  And yet, hasn’t it been 14?  Sometimes it feels like it.  The days are long and the years are short.

I love you desperately, Cub. You are my inspiration and my reason for waking up in the morning. I hope you keep asking your questions of curiosity and wonderment, they will lead you far and teach you much. You are so active I can barely keep up. I hope you always stay busy and moving, much like you have been from the day you were born. I can't wait to see what the next year brings for us all and the growth and learning that awaits you.

I am eagerly anticipating your party this afternoon.  I hope it will be all that you want it to be and more, filled with everything robot.  We have so many of your friends and family coming to celebrate YOU!  You have brought joy and love to all of us.

The journey of remembering the last 4 years and the day of your birth is fresh on my mind and I am looking forward to watching you take more steps towards growing up, getting smarter, taller, faster, stronger and finding you’re able to more and more things with your mind and body.  Tomorrow will be a whole journey for you as you get to go on a ride at Disneyland you’ve been so eager to go on for so long.  Mommy and Daddy decided that at 4 you could do it.  I hope you enjoy it and aren’t scared.

But today’s journey is about celebrating you and all you are in this world.  Happy Birthday Cub!